You’ve never heard the word complicated until you’ve stepped into the month of May in Lulu’s shoes. Welcome, to the mess I’ve made. Step in.
Today is Sunday. I am still seventeen years old, only with a chip on my shoulder the size of two men. What makes these men so heavy a burden, is not only the fact that they are both completely adorable human beings, but because I am going away to college sooner than I can blink.
We all have familiarized ourselves with LC. Guess what? He says he likes me. In my fantasy, we have become the couple that disgusts me by kissing in the train station. We make googly eyes at each other and I smiled in his kiss. We were completely happy together and completely broken when I would leave. We would go our separate ways at sun down and every half lit horizon would remind me of him. In my fantasy.
In reality, I texted him a respectful but urgent demand for an answer. I needed to know because my sanity depended on it, completely. In a response that seemed carefully constructed as to not hurt my feelings he said he liked me. He said (in a nutshell) that he knows that I’m leaving and starting a relationship would be the decision of only a masochist.
I didn’t believe him. After all I had lied to my fair share of guys to spare feeling. I have even lied to myself. I told him I understood. Then he apologized and said I hope it didn’t hurt you to find this out… All I could do was laugh. It was such a bitter laugh. I even surprised myself. Although water fights now to overpower my constricted eye muscles, i had not cried. I could only laugh. I’m sure if I had not deleted the text the moment I read it, looking at it again would have made me laugh twice as hard, twice as bitter.
Of all the childish dreams that had floated in my head for years, never, had I imagined this ending! And never had I imagined it lacking so much drama.
My answer was to throw myself in the arms of another man, one who would accept me. He would fulfill the dreams so vividly dreamt up in the shadow of another murdering character and allow me to use my corny movie lines. Number two. R is the dream of any girl. He plays any sport you can think of, has a fan club the size of a small school and is kind and romantic.
Completely forget that he is not who I want.
But, I ran into him arms so purposely, but unconscientiously.
He understands my urgency.
I have little time, but it does not matter because we have time. We have enough time to prepare ourselves for the fall and downfall.
And I smiled into his kiss and read the line from the backseat of my subconscience.
Teach me, please.
